I will die if light touches me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
