We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
