I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
