I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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