In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
