is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
