So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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