??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
