I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
too bad you live with your parents still
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
