just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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