If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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