god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
