things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
