I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
