Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
