I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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