My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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