New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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