"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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