The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
