Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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