If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I intend to get homeless drunk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
