Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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