At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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