My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
