she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
