girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
