I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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