The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
