a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
