I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am in a vortex of obligation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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