PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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