you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
