no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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