I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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