he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
