what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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