I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
