Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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