I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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