yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
