I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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