Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
