He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
