Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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