I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
