This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
