ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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