everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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