Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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