I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
