dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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