she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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