I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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