I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize