i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
