I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
