we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
