in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
