i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sarcasm needs its own font
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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