and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
