i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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