Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
