my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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