I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
